His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
