garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
