I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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