At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
