dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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