from now on my penis is your penis
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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