Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
