alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
