so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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