3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
