Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
