Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have demons in me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
