Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
