So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
