She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
