she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
