I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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