She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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