U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
