I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
