I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
