you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
