i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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