I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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