I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
