Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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