You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
