what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
