If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
