yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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