if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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