Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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