guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
