If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
