he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
