I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
