i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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