my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
home. puking in laundry basket.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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