I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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