oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
