I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
