found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
