My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
