A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
be right there i have to get my cape
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
