If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
