Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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