You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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