I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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