Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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