i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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